


Thank You

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Also sorry if Kanan is a little OC, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, If you are triggered by anything don't read, Mentions of Blood, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, This is almost entirely a suicide attempt story, he's tired and stressed and annoyed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:56:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6123226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanan is a little too mean to Ezra after a mission that was almost failed. Everyone feels the repercussions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thank You

“Ezra!” Kanan screamed at him, “You could have compromised the mission back there! And not just the mission, the ENTIRE REBELLION!” 

 

“Oh like you haven’t been caught before,” Ezra shot back.

 

Kanan glared at him even more before snapping, “Well, unlike me, you’re young and inexperienced. You don’t know how to hold up under torture. And besides, it wouldn’t have been worth it for the rebellion to get you back so you would’ve died.”

 

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’m Force sensitive! I happen to be extremely necessary to the rebellion!”

 

Kanan glared at him before backhanding him across the face. Ezra stood in place for a second, a look of pure shock on his face. He turned to look at Ahsoka who was sitting in the corner and watched the whole encounter before turning and charging the other direction.

 

The rest of the crew of the Ghost stood there staring at Kanan before Sabine and Zeb split up to look for Ezra while Hera confronted Kanan. 

  
  


Ezra was running through a maze of corridors and doorways that led to more corridors in an attempt to put as much distance between him and Kanan as possible on a ship currently in hyperspace. 

 

He finally found his way to a secret room of his, which was really just an unused supply closet. He doubted anyone else knew it even existed, so he was probably safe there for some time. Just to be sure, he locked the door.

 

Finally able to calm down, he organized his thoughts. Kanan had slapped him because he wasn’t necessary to the rebellion. That part was clear. He wasn’t needed. He doubted he was even wanted at all by anyone. 

 

He knew exactly what needed to be done. 

 

He searched around in the bins and boxes of the cramped room before finding the knife he had hid here earlier. He had never used it, always managing to talk himself out of cutting himself before he’d done it. But now he was certain he was going to use it. 

 

And he wasn’t just going to cut himself. He was going to cut himself until he bled out and all that they found was a pool of blood and a corpse. 

 

He raised the knife to his left wrist and pushed until it drew blood. As he watched the crimson red bubble against his pale skin, he felt oddly content to die this way.

 

“Don’t do it,” whispered his inner voice, “it’s not worth it.”

 

“But they don’t care about me,” he replied, making another parallel cut on his arm, feeling lightheaded but satisfied with the colors and the pain.

 

His inner voice relentlessly repeated over and over again “They do care about you, Ezra.” But he kept plunging the blade into his pale flesh, over and over again.

 

Instead of words, this time his inner voiced showed him a memory of Sabine showing him how to spray paint. The two of them laughed together at their horrible rendition of Chopper electrocuting Zeb. The memory was surrounded with good feelings and happy colors, but it wasn’t enough. 

 

Ezra kept bleeding. He had stopped cutting. He didn’t deserve an easy death, so he was fine with bleeding out slowly while seeing faked memories of his friends. 

 

Next, he felt Hera hugging him after his parents had died. He had gotten a new family. She was warm and smelled like oil and grease and smoke and it should have made him feel better but it didn’t. Instead it made him something close to glad that he would be with his parents, his real parents, again very soon.

 

But Ezra kept bleeding. And he was slipping in and out of consciousness, waiting for death to come. 

 

On the edges of his mind, he felt his friends’ worry for him. He saw the usually colorful blob that was Sabine as a blob that was clouded over with the deep blue of worry. And Kanan’s standard grey persona was now a brilliant red, so strong that it seemed to be keeping Ezra’s mind awake. 

 

But was it Kanan keeping Ezra alive? Because on one side of Kanan was Hera, the exact color of her skin, but on the other side was something unfamiliar. It was old, yet young. It was, but it couldn’t be. It was… keeping him alive.

 

In his frazzled state of mind, this new life source brought a memory to his mind. Strikingly blue eyes. Ahsoka Tano. Fulcrum.

 

Before consciousness finally slipped from his grasp, a final thought crossed his mind. It wasn’t some cheesy last words, but rather the only thing he could think of saying. 

 

Thank you, Ahsoka.

  
  


Kanan, Ahsoka, and Hera arrived at Ezra’s location just as Sabine and Zeb broke open the door. They all rushed inside, dreading what they’d find.

 

Ezra was slumped against a crate, holding a knife and an arm full of cuts that were still oozing blood onto him. 

 

As medical back up arrived, Ahsoka turned to Kanan and gestured to him, asking to speak with him outside. He ignored her request, focusing on his half dead Padawan cradled in his arms. 

 

The medic bandaged his wounds before rushing him to the med center, much to the objection of Kanan. 

 

Ahsoka pulled Kanan aside, relieved to finally have a chance to talk to him.

 

However, Kanan spoke first. He was saying, “Ahsoka, I don’t know what came over me. I I I shouldn’t have done that. This is all my fault. He could’ve died but he didn’t. And I would have stopped him but he he he severed our bond. I don’t know how or why or what but I’ve never felt so alone and this can’t have been the first time I mean it seemed planned and and and…”

 

Ahsoka held up a hand, shushing him. “Kanan, Kanan, please. I know he severed the bond. He should be dead now. You should also probably know that he’s been wanting to cut himself now for a very long time. Almost since he officially joined the Rebellion. “

 

“How do you know all this?’

 

“He… I’m not sure how, but he established a bond between us. It’s faint and he didn’t know until right before we found him, but he did. I kept him from hurting himself further and tried to stem the bleeding. I’ve talked him out of cutting himself before. Kanan, you have to understand. You didn’t trigger this whole thing. It was something larger. But you just set it off. It’s not your fault. Now come on. Let’s go be there when he wakes up, okay?”

 

Kanan stared at her for a moment before pulling her into a huge embrace. Together, they walked towards the Med Center.

  
  
  


Ezra was slowly regaining consciousness, and he could tell he was very much alive. He felt soft leather restraints around his wrists as well as bandages on the left on from the cuts.

 

Slowly, reluctantly, he opened his eyes. At first, all he saw was a harsh white light. Then, he noticed 5 figures and a droid crowding around him.

 

Trying to summon the energy, he managed to hoarsely whisper, “Hey guys.”

 

Shouts of happiness rang through the room. He felt people hugging him and Medics checking his vitals, but he felt apart from all of the commotion. 

 

Instead, he focused on the one person who mattered. Kanan, standing off to the side awkwardly.

 

“I forgive you, Kanan,” he spoke as loudly as he could. Finally, Kanan came in and gave him a giant, needed, hug. 

  
“Thanks you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. As always, comments/kudos are greatly appreciated.  
> If you'd like a follow up chapter, please let me know!


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